Stone Cold Steve Austin: Twitter 3:16
by Laura the explorer 91
Summary: One shot between Stone Cold and an Original Character, Involving Twitter :


_**Author's Note:** Hey Ladies and Germs :) This is just a little one-shot involving Stone Cold and an Original Character named Lily May :) It's basically my anger towards Steve as i always tweet him on Twitter yet he doesn't respond! Posts comments to everybody else but me! lol bastard _

_Anywhoo this is just my little fantasy or what could happen one day, bearing in mind i know it wont, as i'll need to live in Los Angeles and be a published writer... not that lucky.. but Enjoy and review if you want! :) _

_Ooo and also, if i've wrote Summer instead of Lily i do apologise, i'm still in the writing mode for Summer Love lol :) xx_

* * *

"Eugh… lucky bitches" Lily said to herself as she scrolled down the web page on her laptop screen. "I've been tweeting you for ages but you don't respond!" the page on her screen was filled with different messages that had been sent out to all different women across the world, yet he never answered her. She'd tried to be funny and send him random comments, asked him about his day and what he'd be doing as a future career once he'd finished wrestling, but she still got no reply.

Yet people could say _"Hey dude I love you!"_ and they'd get an automatic reply from him, yet her… zilch.

As of right now, Stone Cold Steve Austin wasn't living up to his reputation of being kind, sensitive and generous and loving to his fans. He was just being a plain jackass. "Maybe living here in Los Angeles has got to his head, being famous an all, I'm famous in a way and I don't let it get to me" Lily grumbled to herself as she opened up her word document to complete her story, she'd been writing small stories for years but was always too afraid to publish them. But one day she did it and luckily one of them got noticed and then her career took off, writing different kinds of stories wherever she went.

Her head was swimming with ideas most of them time but as of right now, she had complete writers block because of the whole Twitter thing. _"Stone Cold the jackass, not living up to his reputation, asshole, bimbo loving idiot… blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!!" _is all she typed out and then snorted with laughter.

"Even if I posted that on his profile, he'd still ignore it" Lily just frowned as she rested her head on her hand, she couldn't think straight. Why was she getting so angry with this? She didn't even know the man!

"Lily I think it's safe to say, you're going crazy" she looked around her apartment and sighed, "Actually talking to yourself is a pure sign of going crazy… so I need to get out of here" the walls of her apartment seemed to be closing in on her, so Lily grabbed everything she needed and headed out the door.

"Well don't we look grumpy this evening" James said as he saw his best friend walk through the door, "Can it James I'm not in the mood" Lily replied as she sat herself down on one of the stools at the bar.

James had been her best friend all the way through high school and then college, Lily studying English and taking writing classes, James studying business. Soon both got what they wanted, Lily being a writer and James opening up his own bar in downtown LA. During the crazy ride though, they remained best friends and helped each other out when needed.

"Ooo ice woman, what's got you uptight?" James asked as he noticed Lily not looking her normal cheery self.

"Well I've got major writers block on this story and I'm just bothered about something" Lily felt stupid talking to James about this… it sounded so damn childish.

"Well I'd be happy to hear any ideas you've got for some stories, but I'm also interested in what's bothering you"

"It's nothing"

"Must be something if you're getting stroppy about it"

"I'm not stroppy!" Lily argued back making James just stare at her, "Okay, easy, down girl"

"Sorry"

"What's eating at ya?"

Lily sighed in defeat and said "Alright, alright fine I'll tell you, but you'll find it silly"

"Well I won't know if you don't tell me"

"I opened up a Twitter account"

"Oh boy" James said as he rested his elbows on the bar still listening to Lily,

"And I found someone on there"

"Who?"

"Remember Stone Cold Steve Austin?"

"Remember him? Sweetie you had such a big crush on him during his time in the WWE how could I forget?!"

"Well I found him on Twitter, so I thought what the hell, I'll follow him"

"And"

"And I thought it'd be really exciting and fun if I posted comments to him and see if he replied one time"

"And has he?"

"No, that's the thing"

"Oh sweetie maybe he's just busy with things, he's famous you know"

"I know that, but he is answering other people. Obviously hundreds of people send him messages everyday but he manages to reply to them all, so… why not me?"

"Show me" James said pointing towards Lily's laptop she had in her carry case, she took it everywhere with her in case she thought of an idea for future stories.

Lily opened up the bag and placed the laptop on the bar and opened it, it was still open on her previous pages so her Twitter account was still active. "You got the wireless on?" Lily asked, as she wouldn't be able to show him anything without Internet connection.

"It's on all the time, because of you my bar turns into a writing lounge during the day" Lily smiled as her laptop picked up the wireless and refreshed her Twitter page.

"See look he's tweeted more people in the time it's taken me to get down here!" Lily said pointing towards the screen where she saw new messages posted by Steve.

"Oh wow look at this one" James said and then cleared his throat _"Hey Steve, I just wanted to say that I'm a huge fan of your work, maybe you could come back down to Texas one day and we could hang out…" _

Lily nearly spit her drink out as she giggled at James's voice as he imitated the women's comment.

"Oh look he's replied to that one" Lily said using her pinky finger to point at the screen, _"Hey sexylegs"_ is all Lily said in a deep manly voice and James was off laughing, "What kind of a name is that?" Lily asked laughing but James said, "Keep going"

"Okay" Lily said scanning the screen for his response, _"Thanks for the comment, I'm back down in Texas in a few weeks to check up on things, maybe I __**will**__ see you round…"_

James was laughing again which made Lily laugh as well, "Oh man that's just lame"

"Maybe you should post something like that? You'll get a response"

"Eugh I wouldn't dare do that, give him the satisfaction of reading all these comments so he can just string people along and toy with people's feelings? No thank you!"

James just smiled at his friend but then went back to reading some comments, "What's with the shark stories?" James asked as he scanned the page reading all of the posts by Steve talking about different encounters with Sharks.

"He just talks about 'real life' stories apparently"

"Involving him getting his arm and leg torn off by a shark and a lawnmower? Jeez what does this guy smoke?" Lily had to laugh at that as it was true, she did wonder if Steve was losing the plot, as he got older.

"The best one was him mentioning being at the gym listening to Olivia Newton-John" Lily said with a smile making James laugh,

"Yep that man is definitely smoking something" Lily smiled but then looked towards the door where she saw a large gang enter heading towards the bar to get served.

"I better move… can I stay for a while?"

"Course you can sweetie, this is practically your second home"

"Thanks James, maybe I can shift the writers block"

"Let's hope, your last story was incredible, don't lose it just yet!" Lily laughed as she hopped off the stool and went towards an empty booth to sit at. She found her usual space near the back of the bar so she sat on the soft seat and plugged her laptop in at the wall to keep it charged. Then she moved everything out of her way to have a clear space,

"Right, it's time to get serious" she said to herself as she took out a hair band to tie her hair back, she brushed it all back and then tied it up in a messy bun to keep it out of her face and off her neck. Whenever she grew frustrated, her neck always got hot and then she turned cranky… not a pleasant sight to see. Lily sighed and tried to relax herself as she put on her glasses and began to think deeply, trying to get over her writers block.

Steve had just finished up in a meeting in downtown LA and he decided that he wanted a beer. He wouldn't go too crazy though, just a little drink to make him happy. He walked down the streets carrying his laptop bag, he usually took it with him to meetings and sometimes just to be entertained.

As he strolled along he smiled at some people who recognised him, but was thankful they didn't stop to bother him. When he needed a drink, he got quite cranky and moody. But when he was happy he could chatter away for hours, which is why he decided to create himself a Twitter account.

Usually not being fond of websites like that, he decided to give it a shot and see how it went. People took to him quite well so far; he talked about different things and made people laugh. He always got responses and he tried to post as many replies as he could, but sometimes comments posted were just downright ridiculous.

Eventually Steve made it to his destination and stepped inside behind another group of men who had entered before him. He'd been to this bar a few times and he liked it a lot, not to loud but not too quiet either. It was perfect and always filled with friendly and smiling people. Steve looked around as he stood at the bar and placed his laptop bag down onto one of the stools.

"I'll be with you shortly" James called over to him and Steve said "Take your time son, I'm in no hurry" James smiled as he served the other men drinks, not paying attention to who it was that spoke to him. Steve smiled as he glanced around, most people were on their laptops working quietly, or on the phone or with their friends talking and laughing. It was a happy atmosphere and Steve smiled, happy that people hadn't recognised him.

"Sorry it took so long" James said walking up to Steve wiping his hands on a towel, "It's just me here and the bar isn't usually this full in the afternoon"

"Not a problem" Steve said and smiled, people really didn't know who he was and he had to hold in a laugh.

"So what can I get ya?" James looked up then and was automatically shocked as to who he was speaking too, it was him! The guy who Lily was on about, Stone Cold!

"I'll just have a beer for now" Steve said still smiling, as this kid's reaction was quite amusing to him.

"Err sure… coming right up" James said and then quickly walked over to where the beer was kept. He poured Steve a glass and then walked back over,

"It's on the house," James said as Steve got his wallet out, "You sure kid?" Steve asked quite surprised,

"Yeah not a problem"

"Thanks" Steve said and then took a long sip of his beer and smiled, feeling much better. "I'm sorry to impose but I'm such a huge fan" James said making Steve chuckle,

"Thank you, that really means a lot"

"My friend is a huge fan too, she's sitting right over there" James pointed towards Lily who was engrossed in her laptop typing away, blocking the world out.

"That your friend?" Steve nodded towards the girl,

"Yes, Lily is a huge fan, followed your career for years"

"That's nice to hear, is she okay?" Steve asked, noticing the way Lily was in a trance like state typing away.

"Yeah she gets like that, whenever she writes she gets engrossed and blocks the world out"

"She a writer then?"

"Yeah you've probably seen some of her work in the shops"

"She a published writer then?"

"Yup, Lily May"

"Lily May?"

"Yup"

"I've heard of her before"

"You should check her work out, awesome stuff I must say" Steve smiled and then looked over at Lily again. She was still engrossed in her writing and hadn't stopped tapping away at the keys, obviously writing something new.

"Do you think she'd mind if I go talk to her?" Steve asked curiously and James pursed his lips, this was the Steve Austin on Twitter who ignored her.

"She hates being disturbed"

"Oh"

"But there is another way to contact her"

"How?"

"Try Twitter" then James walked off to serve some more customers leaving Steve slightly confused. Twitter? She had a twitter? He thought it was best to check it out, so he went over to an empty booth not far from Lily. Then he logged into his laptop and waited for it to load properly, and then he connected to the wireless Internet and opened up Twitter.

As usual he had loads of mail coming in from different people so he scrolled through it all sighing and shaking his head. People kept asking him the same questions over and over again; do they not read his comments? He explained everything on there surely they could read them! Steve sighed as he finished reading the comments but then he'd scrolled down into the older comments and recognised somebody. He scrolled down and read some more comments and smiled, how could he have missed her?! All this time!

Steve smiled as he clicked onto her profile page and yep… there it was… Lily May, but her page was called "Lilyville". All this time she'd been talking to him, sending him funny comments and even pictures and videos, but he'd ignored her.

"Well Lily today is your lucky day," he mumbled to himself quietly as he opened up a new window for private messages. He smiled to himself as he typed,

"_If you keep staring at the screen like that, your eyes will go square" _he smiled again as he sent the message to her, hoping she'd respond.

Lily was really making progress with her new ideas for another story, writers block had vanished and now she was on a roll. She didn't realise how close she was to the screen, but it was something she did when she was completely engrossed in something. But she sighed in frustration when he Twitter account beeped, signalling a new message, "If this is another scam they can get lost" Lily grumbled, she hated being disturbed, really hated it.

She opened up the private message and was quite shocked because of whom it was from and what it said, _"If you keep staring at the screen like that, your eyes will go square" _

Lily glanced around the bar casually, trying to spot where he was sitting but couldn't. Then she smiled when her phone beeped from James, _"Look at me xx"_ is all it read, so she looked over to the bar to see James casually pointing towards another booth a bit further away from Lily. So she slowly moved in her seat to catch a glimpse of the booth, and then jumped back when it was who she thought it was, Stone Cold Steve Austin!

"Oh man what's he doing in here?" she asked herself quietly as she stared back at the screen, she read the message again and then frowned. After the weeks of ignoring her, why should she reply to him?

At least she could send a mean message to him, showing she wasn't interested, so that's what she did:

"_Eyes are perfect and in fine working condition thank you, hence the glasses. Plus **I do not** wish to speak to you anymore, good day"_

She sent that back to him, smiling, as she was satisfied with what she'd put. With that settled, she got back to writing her story, but sighed in frustration when her Twitter beeped again:

"_You **do not** wish to speak to me? That's a bit harsh isn't it?" _ Lily smirked then, so he wanted to play games? Okay… they could play games…

"_Yes it is, I'm glad you approve" _is all she wrote and then sent it back smiling triumphantly.

But for the next few minutes the conversation continued:

_SteveAustinBSR: "Why so mean?"_

_Lilyville: "Not being mean, I'm very busy… must get on"_

"_Writing another boring book?"_

"_Have you ever read one of my books before?"_

"_Snnooozeeee festttt!"_

"_Jackassssssss! :)"_

"_There you go again… being mean"_

"_I'm just stating true facts :)"_

"_How can I be sure those smiles are genuine?"_

"_Trust me they're not, I wouldn't smile at you"_

"_Am I that bad to look at?" _

Lily smiled at that comment, deciding to leave him hanging whilst she got herself another drink off James. So she got up from her booth and walked over to the bar whilst sorting out her skirt. It was a hot day so she decided to wear her short denim skirt and sky blue vest top, her chocolate brown hair still tied up in a bun. It wasn't her best look, but she was happy and relaxed to write on her book.

"Hey, how's it going?" James asked with a small smirk at Lily who smiled innocently,

"Whatever are you talking about?"

"Don't do that to me, I know you're talking to him"

"And why would you think that?"

"Because you're smiling to yourself whilst typing, then a few moments later Steve is smiling and typing as well"

"Okay you caught me"

James laughed and said "Sooo, how's it going?"

"I'm trying to get rid of him but he won't stop pestering me"

"Saying what?"

"Saying I'm being mean, and saying my stories are boring"

"I reckon somebody has an admirer," James sang making Lily just look at him,

"Talk more like that I'll pour my drink over your head"

"Love you too babe, no go! Go on back to talking to your _loverrrr!_"

Lily just glared at James one more time before heading off back to her booth, well aware that somebody's eyes had followed her all the way there.

She smirked when her screen flashed showing she had another private message:

"_Keeping me waiting are ya?"_

"_Sorry, had more important things to do, surely one of your bimbos kept you company :)"_

"_Oh yeah they did, but at least with you I can have a genuine conversation instead of you telling me how much you love me… **Hint hint**"_

"_I'm sorry, I only admire people with talent" _

"_Ouch! That's a low blow!" _

"_Well it's like you said, my books are 'boring' so your wrestling skills are awful :)"_

"_There you go with the smiles again"_

"_Oh they're not for you, they're for my pleasure"_

"_Such a 'lovely' impression you're giving me, 'lovely' manners :)"_

"_Two can play at the sarcasm game baldy"_

"_Another blow below the belt, boy you sure know how to charm people"_

"_Why thank you"_

"_Hint the sarcasm"_

"_I know dummy, you're the one that needs a lesson in sarcasm"_

"_Who you calling dummy?"_

"_You obviously, brainless as well? My my Steve, you're not the man I once admired" _

"_Oh no my ego is hurt…"_

"_I'm glad it is, somebody needs to bring your head outta the clouds"_

"_And you think you can be the one to do that?"_

"_Oh no I wouldn't, hopefully you'll get hit by a plane on your way up and come crashing down with a big splat! :)"_

"_Oh no… here comes the tears"_

"_Cry baby" _

"_My head is securely on my shoulders thank you very much"_

Lily smiled but then thought maybe she'd pushed too many buttons to piss him off, but then her answer was given to her with another message:

"_That's an awfully short skirt you're wearing…"_

"_Yeah…"_

"_Or is it just your underwear? Big ugly granny panties!" _

"_Excuse me? My underwear fits me perfectly fine thank you very much. My skirt on the other hand has taken great offence to your comments"_

"_Hold on… let me get out my violin"_

"_Haha soooo funny! Jackass…" _

"_I've been called worse"_

"_I'm sure you have"_

"_Sayyyy why don't me and you head out tonight, get a bite to eat?"_

"_Am I hearing… or seeing obviously… this correctly? You're asking me out?"_

"_Yes"_

"_What about the other 1000 women tweeting you asking you out, especially that 'sexylegs' woman… aren't you meeting up with bimbo in Texas? :)"_

"_Fine don't go out with me"_

"_Okay :)" _

Lily laughed at that, hopefully she'd silenced him so she could continue with her work, but sighed when she got another message:

"_I take it that hideous laugh was yours?"_

"_Hideous? Eugh now I don't want the date"_

"_So you did want it?"_

"_No"_

"_Liar"_

"_I'm not lying"_

"_You so are"_

"_You can't tell from a comment on a screen"_

"_Yes but your beautiful face says different…"_

Lily looked up to see that the guy in the booth in front of her had left, leaving her a clear view of Steve, who was grinning from ear to ear at her. Lily just shook her head and then looked back at the screen smiling, seeing a new message.

"_Told ya"_

"_I was just smiling because…" _

"_Because…?"_

"_Because I was thinking what it would be like if you got kicked in the nuts right now"_

"_Yeah… right… and hey! That's just mean"_

"_Glad you approve :)" _

Lily quickly chanced a glance at Steve and laughed when she saw how bewildered he looked at her comments. But she still couldn't shake off the butterflies in her tummy, Steve was asking her out on a date? He seemed like a genuine guy… but she decided to wait it out a little longer before giving him her answer.

"_That evil smile you just gave me wasn't nice :("_

"_Aww did I upset you… get over it :)"_

"_Now I don't want to take you out to dinner"_

"_Fine, don't then… I won't be upset"_

"_Fine, just for that… I will take you out"_

"_You'll have to drag me along kicking and screaming :)"_

"_Not a problem"_

"_I'll scream loud"_

"_Eugh you're impossible!" _

Lily laughed again making Steve look up and smile at her laughter and wrote to her, 

_"Eugh stop with that horrid laughter!"_

"_Laughing is what I do best, don't like it? Don't take me out to dinner cause all I'll do is laugh and smile"_

"_Not a problem"_

"_Or are you expecting me to sit there crying and moaning about everything? 'My fork is too dirty! Wah wah wah wah!!' cause I can do that too you know :)"_

"_I think I'll stick with the laughter"_

"_Good"_

"_So you're agreeing to me taking you out to dinner"_

"_As long as your 1000 tweeting girlfriends approve :)"_

"_I think they do"_

"_Fine"_

"_So you're gonna do it?"_

"_Might as well… it's a free dinner :)" _

Lily laughed when she heard Steve laughter and she shook her head.

"_Fine, but you better dress up nicely"_

"_Just because of that comment, I'll dress in my best rags" _

"_Well I'll just go naked then"_

"_Make sure it's not cold! Can't afford to have shrinkage! :)" _

Lily laughed at her own comment but chanced a glance at Steve who was laughing as well. 

_"Okay maybe I'll wear underwear"_

"_Make sure they're clean and have no holes"_

"_Well make sure your rags are clean, no holes and dirt stains"_

"_I'll wash them especially for you! :)"_

"_Good, what time would you like to meet me?"_

"_Erm… you choose :)"_

"_Okay, how about meet me here at 7:30pm and we'll take it from there?"_

"_Sounds like a plan"_

"_That's because it is"_

"_Yes well spotted captain obvious"_

"_I hope this Lily doesn't come on the date, she'll be firing mean comments in my direction all night!"_

"_Don't worry, I'll make sure the kind and happy Lily is there, make sure the happy and polite Steve is there, can't be doing with grumpy!"_

"_I'll inject myself with some happy drugs for you" _

"_Hmm that doesn't sound nice"_

"_Sarcasm you silly doughnut!"_

"_Don't call me a doughnut! You fruit cake!" _

"_I think it's too childish to play this game"_

"_Whatever you say waffle features :)"_

Lily smiled when she sent that, but looked at the time and saw it was going past 5pm and she sighed, it always took her ages to get dressed to go out somewhere.

So she better get herself moving, she looked at her screen about to reply but Steve got there first.

_"You look lost in thought"_

"_I was thinking that I need to get a move on otherwise I wont be ready for our date"_

"_You're only wearing rags you said, that shouldn't take long! ;)"_

"_Don't wink at me you jackass!"_

"_Feisty attitude, I like it!"_

"_Whatever you say, anyway baldy I better get moving, I'll see you later" _

Lily closed the conversation down and logged out before Steve could reply and she laughed and giggled to herself. She shut her laptop down and packed everything away before getting up and smiling at James, who grinned back.

"See you tomorrow maybe?" he called over the crowd,

"Yeah of course"

"A best friend's gotta have details" James replied making Lily laugh as she waved goodbye to head out the door. Then she looked ahead and saw Steve frowning playfully, but she spat her tongue out at him before leaving the bar to head home.

"That's strange, you go into a bar hating a man, then come out with a date with the man you say you hated" Lily said to herself as she strolled down the street,

"I can't wait!" she said to herself loudly, not caring about the people giving her strange looks.

For she had a date with Stone Cold Steve Austin, all thanks to the mystery of Twitter.

The End :)


End file.
